Lesson #60: WHEN YOU SPEAK OUT JUST FACTS; JUST THE OBVIOUS, YOU CONNECT.

(FEEDBACK TOOL LESSON ---- brings enthusiasm to your life and your heart opens)

DESCRIPTION: Every business team and every family can keep the team spirit up. Everyone can speak out what they notice. People punish each other for saying what is not working. They get shut down. People love to blame it on somebody. You can go beyond people's pain and drama. Your voice can be heard. You can express anything you want. When you speak out the obvious, you shed light in what EVERYBODY SEES but everybody's afraid to say. Except you. You are not afraid to say it. Everybody can breath after you spoke out the obvious and there's a sense of relief in the air. You let everybody take off some pressure. You saved the day. You can say the obvious like: "You are mad", "I see this bothers you", "You didn't come when you said you would come", "We don't have clear instructions", "You are talking to your son with a lot of rage", "You have a lot of intensity when you talk about politics". All this pointing out the obvious diffuses the heaviness. It's not advice. Advice would be something like "Don't be mad", "Don't let this bother you", "Come when you say you are going to be here", "Give me clear instructions", "Don't talk to your son with rage", "Don't talk about politics". Advice brings the energy down. Saying the obvious is great. It brings the intensity and enthusiasm up. Pointing out the obvious is called FEEDBACK. There's a trick though. If you speak out the obvious in a fun, playful way, your words will be heard and they will not be taken personally. Everybody wins. The people around you need to know that some of their behaviors bring down your energy and the energy of the business team or family team. A second trick is to love their reaction. You can love both reactions if it's a loving reaction or if it's a hateful reaction. You celebrate it instead of taking it personal. You wait for them to make a move. It could take a day or two weeks or a year. Who knows. You can love any move they make. If they make the move you wanted or not. And all this for what? For you to keep your power and your clarity. You have permission to talk as if you had nothing to lose. You have nothing to lose anyway (Lesson #5).

INSTRUCTION FOR YOU TO KEEP YOUR POWER AND FOR YOU TO SERVE THE TEAM SPIRIT (NOT A PERSON IN PARTICULAR):

Speak out the obvious without anger or a negative punishing undertone. Do not blame. Speak out things that EVERYBODY can see. Speak out in a playful, loving and detached way. Do not attach to the end result or if people agree with what you see. Do not take it personal if they deny or attack back. Just observe. Do not make yourself wrong if anyone took personal what you said. Do not make yourself wrong if you said advice. Do not make people wrong that say advice instead of feedback. Do not give them advice. Just observe. Give feedback if you want. (Lesson #56 / Lesson #73 & #74 / Lesson #60). (All this is what a toddler would do and as an adult if you do this you keep your connection and your power. When you follow these instructions, your levels of enthusiasm & confidence open and you are open to receive.)

You are "in resistance" if you do any of these behaviors below. A resistance "leaks" money and/or love AND stops your momentum of your results, your adventure and aliveness. When you have a resistance or a mood, you block $10,000 of income. People create a memory of your reactions and behaviors and then decide to stay around or distance themselves. You don't have to keep everyone happy. It's not about that. It's about keeping the team spirit up in case you want to keep those particular people around (family or business related). When you drop these resistances (distractions), you have a better chance of becoming one of the 2% of high performers in the world. You can only drop these resistances with the help of your heart not with your mind.

All these resistances listed below create disconnection to yourself and the people around you. The ego is the one that wants you to feel small and wants everything to seem small. All these are when you are "in your head" where the ego is. The team "spirit" (of a business team or family team) goes down if:

• If you say advice.

• If you say feedback with anger.

• If you say feedback with a message behind your words.

• If you say something "playfully" but with a punishing message behind your words. Feedback has to be completely detached from any agenda you have.

• If you say feedback with an attachment of what people should do.

• If you blame anyone.

• If you make yourself wrong for saying advice.

• If you make anyone wrong that is saying advice.

• If you give advice trying to make anyone not say advice.

• If you don't stop to observe that they are just coming from a shut down level of aliveness.

:::: Basically nothing is wrong or right. It just is. This way you keep your power and momentum.

If you attach to the end result, your energy will go down. If you speak out just facts and just the obvious, it does not mean that people will be attracted to you immediately. It takes time to build trust and connection and there are many factors. You are "trying people out for your team". Not everyone will make it. Some are too addicted to pain and want to stay in the fight. You can let them go as quick as possible. They might come around later in a gentler mode but you can't force it. This is why there are 100 lessons. Please practice and study them all until the end so your connection understanding is complete. Please call Mariana Cortez if you have any questions on how to master this lesson (512) 636-8846 in the US. Sometimes it needs an "experience" to understand the lesson with your heart and playfulness instead of your mind. You have a free 30 minutes Language of Connection session over coffee or Skype with Mariana Cortez. Then any other day if you want you can schedule a 60 minute session for $60.

You can send this link to your friends for them to order THE LANGUAGE OF CONNECTION for only $200 and so you can all speak the same language if you want to:
thelanguageofconnection.teachable.com

Every single lesson is a review of what I learned at Sage University (www.sageuniversity.com) in this particular topic of this lesson. Check out their calendar tab. You could go to Europe to take a class over there! Sage University has amazing workshops about relationship, leadership, salesmanship and entrepreneurship in Ibiza Spain (and everywhere including Bora Bora and Hawaii) where you can transform into that person that you were born to be.