Lesson #56: WHEN YOU DON'T GIVE ADVICE, YOU CONNECT.

(FEEDBACK TOOL LESSON ---- brings enthusiasm to your life and your heart opens)

DESCRIPTION: People can have the best intention all the time. They open up their hearts and want the best for people. They give you advice. Sometimes it's unsolicited advice. When you get advice, you shut down. When you give advice, they shut down. They were put in a box by your advice just like you were put in a box when they gave you advice. Advice makes people feel trapped even if you have they best intention. Like there was no other option but the one they are saying. It takes away your freedom to choose. You might want to do their option or another one that you want to try and make your own mistakes if you want to. When people say you "SHOULD" or you "HAVE TO" or tell you what to do like: "Don't cook with wine" or "Don't say you don't have the money", people put into a box. You are being told what you "should" do or "have to" do or "what" to do. Nobody likes being told what to do. You immediately resist. You get defensive. You will distance yourself little by little. If that's what you do when you get advice, imagine what people feel like when they are getting advice from you. They are distancing themselves little by little even if you have your best intention and it has been the tradition to do for years in the family. You may have a strong opinion about something and you may be right. If you impose it on people, they will get defensive. Advice ranges from religion, church, politics, opinions, lifestyles etc… People want to feel free around you no matter what opinions you may have. Instead of advice you can give feedback. Feedback does not turn people off. You just say the obvious (Lesson #60): "Your spending spree left you broke!" instead of "You shouldn't spend too much" or "Oil changes have to be done every 3000 miles" or "You let the car go over 6000 miles before doing your next oil change ha?" instead of "You have to do your oil change every 3000 miles". You can win people with feedback, by bringing up scenarios to people and seeing if it lights them up or telling them stories about what worked for you at a certain point. Feedback, scenarios and stories have to be mentioned WITHOUT that message in the back of your mind that wants them to "get it" and wants them to do what you think is right. They "feel" this "vibe", this "message" behind your words. If you speak in an unattached way, they will listen closer because of the freedom you are providing. This way of unattached non-advice works. Your words have more probability to be heard. People are still going to do whatever they want. If you want to keep your energy, you detach from the end result. Not caring what people do or their consequences keeps your energy. Not trying to control anything or force anything keeps your energy. You don't fall into worry or disappointment. Your words were heard. That's all you can do.

INSTRUCTION FOR YOU TO KEEP YOUR POWER AND FOR YOU TO SERVE THE TEAM SPIRIT (NOT A PERSON IN PARTICULAR):

Do not give people advice. Do not attach to the end result of what people do. Instead of using the words "you have to" or "you should" or "you need to", start with the words "WHEN" or "IF" or "I HAVE NOTICED THAT IF OR WHEN_______________ THIS HAPPENS______________________________". These are calmer and give people the freedom to chose. Do not make yourself wrong if you gave advice. Do not make people wrong that give advice. Do not give them advice. Just observe. Give feedback if you want. (Lesson #56 / Lesson #73 & #74 / Lesson #60). (All this is what a toddler would do and as an adult if you do this you keep your connection and your power. When you follow these instructions, your levels of enthusiasm & confidence open and you are open to receive.)

You are "in resistance" if you do any of these behaviors below. A resistance "leaks" money and/or love AND stops your momentum of your results, your adventure and aliveness. When you have a resistance or a mood, you block $10,000 of income. People create a memory of your reactions and behaviors and then decide to stay around or distance themselves. You don't have to keep everyone happy. It's not about that. It's about keeping the team spirit up in case you want to keep those particular people around (family or business related). When you drop these resistances (distractions), you have a better chance of becoming one of the 2% of high performers in the world. You can only drop these resistances with the help of your heart not with your mind.

All these resistances listed below create disconnection to yourself and the people around you. The ego is the one that wants you to feel small and wants everything to seem small. All these are when you are "in your head" where the ego is. The team "spirit" (of a business team or family team) goes down if:

• If you give anyone advice.

• If you say to anyone "You should" or "You have to".

• If you tell people what to do.

• If you attach to the end result of your advice to people.

• If you give feedback with anger.

• If you give feedback with a message of advice in the back of your mind.

• If you try to control anyone.

• If you make yourself wrong for giving advice.

• If you make anyone wrong that is giving advice.

• If you give advice trying to make anyone stop giving advice.

• If you don't stop to observe that they are just coming from a shut down level of aliveness.

:::: Basically nothing is wrong or right. It just is. This way you keep your power and momentum.

If you attach to the end result, your energy will go down. If you don't give advice, it does not mean that people will be attracted to you immediately. It takes time to build trust and connection and there are many factors. You are "trying people out for your team". Not everyone will make it. Some are too addicted to pain and want to stay in the fight. You can let them go as quick as possible. They might come around later in a gentler mode but you can't force it. This is why there are 100 lessons. Please practice and study them all until the end so your connection understanding is complete. Please call Mariana Cortez if you have any questions on how to master this lesson (512) 636-8846 in the US. Sometimes it needs an "experience" to understand the lesson with your heart and playfulness instead of your mind. You have a free 30 minutes Language of Connection session over coffee or Skype with Mariana Cortez. Then any other day if you want you can schedule a 60 minute session for $60.

You can send this link to your friends for them to order THE LANGUAGE OF CONNECTION for only $200 and so you can all speak the same language if you want to:
thelanguageofconnection.teachable.com

Every single lesson is a review of what I learned at Sage University (www.sageuniversity.com) in this particular topic of this lesson. Check out their calendar tab. You could go to Europe to take a class over there! Sage University has amazing workshops about relationship, leadership, salesmanship and entrepreneurship in Ibiza Spain (and everywhere including Bora Bora and Hawaii) where you can transform into that person that you were born to be.